Expectations

Expectations. They are absolutely everywhere and can be crippling. Not just the expectations we have of ourselves but the ones we hold on to for others or others hold on to for us. This being said many expectations come from our own wants, needs or beliefs and have absolutely nothing to do with another. We assume someone knows what we are thinking or feeling and if they don't just "get us" we feel hurt or rejected, maybe even angry and begin to hold resentment to the individual for not knowing or doing what we want or need in any given moment. We "expect" them to just know. Not everyone is a mind reader (some of my friends actually are) so without open communication of what you NEED to be seen, heard or just acknowledged majority of the time your needs will not be met and you will be left feeling horrible about the interaction you just had. 

This also goes for expectations of self. We often think we should BE more than we are. A better spouse, a better parent, a better friend, that we can make sure everyone around us is taken care of and everything on our TO DO lists are completed in a timely fashion. That we can somehow be super woman or man and be able to do it ALL. Well if that is your expectation of yourself then may I suggest you take a moment to realize your expectations are rather harsh. We can not do it all or be it all without boundaries, self care, support and/or we risk complete burnout. (I know, I've been there) 

Instead may I suggest you create an open line of dialog on what you need with trusted people you know you can count on and if you don't know who that may be know that I SEE YOU. Allow yourself to surrender to the knowing you are not the "be all or do all" and that's okay. To have compassion for yourself and others in their expectations as we all have or have had them and need to re access our ideas of them moving forward.  That as we know better we do better and as we do better we create the space for others to do the same. 

Here are a few things you can do to create positive expectations for yourself and others.

• Treat yourself with compassion and kindness when you find your expectations getting the best of you. Treat others the same. Don't "assume" they know what you need or want so use your voice in a positive way to create an open dialog for your needs.
• Adjust your reactions to expectations. Remember you can not control others however you have the ability to control how you react to any given situation. 
• Set boundaries and speak up. If someone "expects" something of you and you have no idea what that is Ask them exactly what they were looking for from you. You may be surprised to find it's not at all what you thought.
• Stop expecting things of others. You know how it feels right?
• Allow your expectations of self to be fulfilling and obtainable and fun. Having high expectations for yourself when done in a healthy manner is wonderful as long as you create boundaries, have support and surrender to allowing yourself space for failing, learning and growth. 

Expectations of self are not all bad. When they come from a positive driving force looking to become more aware and expand ourselves they can be magical. It's in the knowing of the difference  between negative and positive expectations that creates the balance for your life.

​With Love and Intention Always - Kelly