Over the last several weeks I have been falling in and out of alignment. The holidays trigger so many emotions in me that sometimes it takes all that I have learned to stay present and grounded while other times my mind goes to all that I dislike about Christmas leading me down the rabbit hole of why.
And what I have come to fully understand is what haunts me the most is the Christmas spirit I have taken from my children who are now basically adults at 17 and 21 that feel the same way as I do about the holidays.
My years of
comparing and competing
spending time with people I didn't want to,
separation from the ones I did,
AND no healthy boundaries,
left me full of shame, guilt, fear and anger and I took it all out on Christmas day itself.
My actions, my thoughts, my behaviors imprinted and impacted my kids then and more so now as my daughter recently said to me ,"Mom, I know you are stressed about Christmas because of the money so please don't buy me anything." It broke my heart to know that her entire belief in Christmas revolves around the monetary value of a gift.
Yikes!!!!!!!! That was a big nut to crack, accept and take full responsibility of knowing I created that belief.
I understand now because it is exactly what was instilled in me growing up with divorced parents and a father that loved to show up every Xmas day leaving the price tags on everything teaching me all the wrong lessons as we were made to sit and patiently watch everyone open each gift from him so we could be sure to validate his ego and know how much he spent leaving me with the belief that if I didn't spend a lot on other's I wasn't showing them love.
So the time has come to FORGIVE not only myself but all those around me that just didn't (and still don't) know any better. I am taking back the spirit of Christmas for myself, my kids and my husband so that no other generation has to endure "MY Christmas Story".
We are never meant to live in the stories, the trauma and pain of our ancestors. We are meant to live in the hopes, dreams, and possibilities of our children's children and that is what I plan to do moving forward.
The BEST part is, it's NEVER too late to create conscious awareness and the more we are willing to look, accept and forgive the parts of ourselves that are damaged or in pain the more we have the ability to make changes. If we continue to ignore or mask this side of ourselves we will never be free from the stories we have been living. As we know better, we have the choice to DO better.
And I deserve better and so does my family so for myself, for them and the generations to come I am taking the reins of my holidays back in my own hands (sorry Santa) and creating NEW memories, NEW traditions, NEW stories that we can all cherish for years to come.
And if you are struggling I hope each of you finds some peace and comfort from my experience knowing you are not alone and have the choice to create a change.
COURAGE. The word in itself is extremely powerful and holds a very high frequency in nature. We often see a picture of a lion as a representation of it, a person standing in a superhero pose or even someone scaling the side of a mountain to show strength, power and the ability to face our fears. This is known as Physical Courage and is definitely the most prevalent in society as to how to define courage making it #1 on our list of Types of Courage.
What often goes unnoticed are all the other forms of courage that people experience on a daily basis that don't necessarily seem like courage but absolutely are and should be celebrated as such.
The second is Social Courage. This is the ability to be yourself without apology and without conforming to what others believe is right for you whether it's your style, your beliefs or the job you choose that brings you pure joy but doesn't necessarily make sense to societal norm.
The third is Moral Courage. This is the strength to do the right thing even when it's uncomfortable, unpopular or leaves you standing completely alone making it one of the more difficult types of courage to have at times.
The fourth is Emotional Courage. This is the capacity to feel ALL of your emotions, whether you perceive them to be good or bad, without attachment, shame or guilt for feeling them.
The fifth is Intellectual Courage. This is one of my specialties when working with clients. It is the skill of learning what you need to unlearn to then relearn a new way with an open mind of what is possible. This one can be extremely difficult due to the human ego that loves to stay stuck where it is through conditioned patterns and beliefs created not just by you but outside influences from birth until now.
The Six is Spiritual Courage (and THIS is my life's work as a human) is the ability to understand and live with purpose through deep connections to self, others, mother earth and the animal kingdom as one energy co-creating with the understanding you are imprinting and impacting every experience as well as every being on the planet whether you are conscious to it or not with your words, thoughts and actions.
There are many sides to courage and each one again is extremely powerful and worthy of celebrating. So the next time you question your courage think of the many forms courage shows up as and honor your courage in whatever way it shows up for you today.
Before you go rushing in to save someone, make sure you aren't interrupting their Karma.
I think this is something that all humans struggle with at times in their lives whether family, friend or even a complete stranger as we never want to witness the suffering of another.
It can be extremely difficult to watch people making choices that are not in their highest good and of course we want to be there to support, love, hold space and sometimes even fix the problem for them if we can, but that's not always in the highest good even if we think it is.
What I have found as a spiritual teacher for those on their path is there are many lessons that need to be learned by oneself. We must allow these lessons, even the extremely painful ones, to unfold, to be experienced so that the lesson has the opportunity to be learned.
If we are continuously navigating for another, they will not create conscious awareness in their own lives to create a different path for themselves, thus leaving the lesson unlearned.
The cycle goes unbroken repeating over and over until they wake up to their own understanding, they hit their own rock bottom or the karma continues with them for another lifetime.
So, the question is, how can we help?
Again, though suffering is never pleasant to experience or witness, sometimes it is necessary for someone to consciously choose a different path for themselves. It is often in this discomfort that many people seek the changes they need to make to live a very different life.
Kelly McCarthy is a passionate universal energy teacher, intuitive practitioner and insightful sacred speaker located in Litchfield County, CT. Though not a published author yet, once in awhile she feels called to write about something that speaks to her.