You May never come first

Yesterday we celebrated Mother’s Day and many a mother I spoke with over the last several days were hoping for a day to herself or at least a few hours where she was not being pulled in a different direction by different people wanting or needing something from her. The more I talk to women in my practice the more I realize though society says “Put Yourself First” there is a voice in our brain that simply says, “How can I? If I don’t do it, who will?”


The intention to spoil mom is there by all means but the stories of past mother’s day were of how brunch was a great idea but mom had to get the kids dressed, make sure everyone was loaded in the car to arrive on time and of course take care of the kids during brunch, only to have a full load of extra laundry to do when they got home because they wore more clothes than usual for a Sunday. How about making their kids feel special about the mass blob of clay they made in art class as your gift while the husbands get to play with their well thought out toys you purchase from the kids for Father’s Day. Now you have to find a place to showcase the blob and before you know it you have a cabinet of homemade “art” while dad is playing with his new Kubota in the backyard.. Breakfast in bed? Amazing idea, but now your kids have trashed the kitchen and climbed into bed with sticky fingers all over the sheets so what started as a beautiful idea in theory has become another chore for you because who else is going to clean the kitchen and wash the sheets? Do any of these stories resonate for you or maybe you can add your own?


Women inherently are caregivers, multitaskers, planners, and at all times are thinking 15 steps ahead of where they are right now so not to drop the ball or mess anything up for those that are counting on them to take care of things. Not only do moms keep a schedule for every single person living under their roof but are also inundated with details for everything their families are involved with all the while hearing society say, “It’s okay to put yourself FIRST.”


But is it really?


If all the moms just stopped for a day what in the world would happen and do we even want to f*k around and find this out? I know I surely don’t. Women are what keep the world moving in a direction of flow. We are the grease for the wheels, the storyteller of the tales, the holder of secrets, the protectors of our pride (think lioness) and the nurses to the sick. We are the glue and I wouldn’t want it any other way.


It’s not in our nature to place ourselves and our well being BEFORE our families so I know I will continue to move mountains (as will every mother I know) to make everything flow as best I can but I also understand without balance in my own life trying to balance everything else becomes even more challenging. It’s why my daily practice is so important to me. Without meditation and energy work I would not have balance and without balance in myself I could not find balance in anything else.


So yes, I may never come first because I am a mother but I’m okay with that because I CHOSE this and I am honored to be a mom. I may have a dozen or so stories of how Mother’s Day wasn’t what I wanted (remember I was also a restaurant owner - if you know you know - lol) but in whatever messy way that looked like they were trying their best to celebrate me and for that I am forever grateful.


So Celebrate 2nd place, maybe even 3rd, 7th or 10th depending on the size of your family all while remembering you may never fully come first but you also don’t have to put yourself dead last.