I know how it feels. You want to yell from the mountain tops how good you feel since you have become more conscious in your life, more balanced. The downloads you now receive, the daily messages you notice, If only so and so would just "try" this or "that" or listen to me they would see it too. WRONG.
As much as we would love to, we simply can't save anyone from themselves. They are here to experience every single thing they need to just as we did. We may have what we consider great advice, insight from our own experiences, classes, mentors or even coaches we know about that would be extremely beneficial but if someone isn't ready.....they simply aren't.
NO amount of pleading, wishing or offers to help will ever be heard until they are ready to be. We can't rush someone into consciousness or change and honestly it's not our business to.
As a practitioner, I understand this. No amount of my want for others can ever change their destiny. That's a personal decision that each of us has to make to become conscious of our ancestral fate that we were never meant to live as and create a new destiny for ourselves.
So what can we do as we witness struggles in others? We can stop talking and listen intently to what they are saying and then we can ask the following:
1.) How can I support you? - let them take the time to answer.
2.) Do you just need to vent? - and if the answer is yes - let them and do not add your 2 cents
3.) Would you like me to share my experience or opinion on this matter? If the answer is no then allow that to be okay with you, remember it's NOT about you. If the answer is yes, keep it simple and about your experience, not what you think they should do and NOT a 30+ minute monologue of your life story.
4.) Do you just need to be held? Sometimes this is all someone really wants is a connection that feels safe.
These are beautiful ways to witness others whether they be children or adults. Holding space for another in the way they need is the best support you can give. In the meantime, focus your energy on your own journey and I promise, they are watching. And when they are ready and open to hearing more, in my experience they usually ask.
I've never seen any life transformation that didn't begin with someone being tired of their own bullsh*t. Sounds harsh right? Maybe, but it's also very true.
This can look very different depending on how you choose to live your life or the experiences you have had but it really boils down to being sick and tired of being sick and tired of something. It could be looking in the mirror and not liking the physical aspects of oneself or it may be the constant complaining that has you sick of hearing your own voice. For some, it's just a deep seeded feeling of emptiness with no real name to place to it due to the confusion and pain of what "it" even is. It's just a feeling of being lost and unsure. Whatever the "it" is may not even be your fault but it is and will always be your responsibility to begin your own healing journey.
I know, I was there. Almost eleven years ago, I looked in the mirror and couldn't stand what I saw. My whole being was wrapped around my outer image and I had the thought, if I just lose the weight, I'll be happy......and so I did. Over 100 pounds and 100 inches in less than a year. And though I looked great and received validation and compliments everywhere I went, I was still completely dead inside. The weight on the outside had never been the problem. It was the weight I carried within that was the root cause of it all.
And so it began. The journey to releasing the weight I carried in my heart, my soul, my head. And when I started to peel back the layers of my life and how I chose to feed my entire body emotionally, mentally and physically, I began to notice the changes coming from within. The more I peeled back, the more I learned and the more awareness I had to what I truly needed and wanted in my life. I was no longer lost, I had a sense of purpose and curiosity for what was possible and the weight slowly lifted.
It's a lifelong commitment I have made to myself to love exactly who I am at exactly where I am with compassion for myself every step of the way, even on the days I feel resistance.
Here are a few ways in which you can begin:
We are here for such a short time and we can spend all our time it at war with ourselves or we can learn to fall in love with our experience and love the life we have been gifted. It's a choice and it's yours.
We have been taught or at least heard of in our lifetime that Sunday is meant for a day of rest. I have noticed more and more the evolution of the tagline "Self Care Sunday" popping up in every spiritual group, coaching practice and social media feeds. I have found this a bit misleading in my own world as if somehow only one day is meant for self care and that self care means booking a massage, or lunch with friends, or whatever outward experience makes you feel better.
What if self care became a conscious choice each and every day and we embodied it as an outward AND inward experience? A beautiful balance of taking care of ourselves as well as enjoying the experiences that help support our self care? What would this look like for you?
Examples of how I support my inner self care:
So ask yourself this, what does inner and outer self care look like for me and how can I start taking steps in my everyday to implement what I truly need for alignment and balance?
Don’t ever let a bad day or days trick you into thinking you have a bad life.
We all have experienced them at one point in our life. The days that make us feel inferior, like nothing is going our way no matter what we try to do. The days where we just want to stay in bed and forget it all. The days that feel so hard that we feel they will never end. We go down the rabbit hole looking for all the bad stuff to compile in our heads to justify and confirm that this thought, this belief, is absolute truth.
In my own experience years ago, this became a habitual pattern where I created a belief system around these days believing that because of them my entire life sucked. I got so caught up in the actual days that I was unable to even catch a glimpse of anything good. I was so lost and broken that it was just easier to blame all my stuff on these days instead of taking personal responsibility for owning my part in it. The habit was deep and it was easier to stay there than to begin the process of true change. People would try to point out the good things and I became like a venomous snake ready to defend my belief with a slide presentation in my mind ready to share with all the crap I had in my life to back me up. That was a very hard pill to swallow and took some serious self reflection to begin to change this pattern.
The reflection began when I was introduced to my first book in the self help area. The book was called The Secret, by Rhonda Byrne. Many of you know my profound love for this simple yet powerful book and its concept of The Law of Attraction. It opened the door to beginning my spiritual journey and has become a deep part of my being and teachings. The understanding that we ATTRACT exactly what we ARE in every moment of everyday whether we are conscious of it or not.
You may be asking “But how does this affect me?” Well, it’s simple. Whatever it is you are thinking or doing at any given moment is actually attracting more of that same energy into your life. If you are focusing on all the bad things you will attract more bad things, if you think your life is hard then yes it will feel hard and you will attract more experiences that will confirm this. Now you may be asking, “Well, what can I do about this?”
This is the challenging part. To first accept your role in it and then begin the steps.
As an animal communicator it's extremely hard to accept the fact that I am able to connect with all kinds of animals as well as people but this one foster dog, in my care, was absolutely shutting me out from trying to find him. I spent the better part of my morning listening to the negative self talk of my failure, but as each hour passed of the dog being lost in the woods in the fog and rain, I began to feel better and here is why.
My husband told me to share our missing dog on our local Facebook page. My first reaction was, "Oh god, what will people think? I'm an animal communicator that helps others find their lost animals but I can't find my own?" Whoa, talk about ego and imposter syndrome showing up even after you think you have learned that lesson. But I knew he was right. I knew in that moment and the hours to come this was not something I could do on my own. I was too close to the situation and needed help, so I shut down the self talk, removed my ego and posted it on Facebook and within minutes there were dozens of people offering assistance, sharing the post and hopping in their own cars to go out and look. My friends were checking on me to see if I was okay with absolutely no judgement. I started receiving private messages and texts and all of a sudden I was no longer alone in this. I even reached out to CT DOG GONE RECOVERY that I have worked with in the past to help people find their dogs to ask for help and again, no judgement.
Before I knew it over 300 people had shared the post and though there were still no sightings I felt held, supported, seen, and part of something bigger than myself. To witness complete strangers offer of themselves for a person most didn't know and a dog they had never met was both heartwarming and eye opening and all I had to do was ask. It made me realize how many times in my life things could have felt or been easier if I had just asked for assistance. How many times did I push others away or fear asking due to my ego and self talk? The answer? Countless.
Yesterday happened for a reason. It was a lesson that I had not learned yet in my life and this foster pup was the opportunity for me to embody the teaching he offered. To literally ask for help when I need it and trust that it will show up as it's meant to.
You'll be happy to know that this story has a very happy ending with our foster pup after wandering around for twelve hours found his way to a house about a mile away from where we lost him. This beautiful loving family were able to gently coax him into their home, feed him and keep him safe until we could arrive. They had seen my post asking for help and they did. I am forever grateful to them for helping and for the lesson I learned in asking for it.
As we celebrated International Women's Day last we it made me aware of how women all around the world struggle to be seen. We have been taught to wear a mask of "I've got this" all while depleting ourselves emotionally, mentally and even physically caring for all others while ignoring our own basic needs.
We are a good mom if we put our needs aside and care for our children first. We are a good wife if we take care of the house and our husbands, we are a good friend if we drop everything for the latest crisis and we are a good person if we volunteer our time or donate goods to our children's schools or various organizations. There are so many areas of a women's life that she is considered good if..... insert scenario.
Sometimes it's a mere shower we give up, sometimes it's food, sometimes it's a moment of quiet, sometimes it's breaking plans that we were really looking forward to, sometimes it's saying yes when we really want to say no and sometimes it's all of the above and so much more. If there is anything left over and only if, then we allow ourselves a crumb of whatever that may be. Does this mean if we choice to make ourselves a priority that we aren't "good?"
This should never be normalized nor continue as a cycle handed down to our daughters. Self care is NOT a luxury - it IS a necessity. We can not nor should we ever try to pour from an empty cup as it leads to serious illness both mentally AND physically. Take a moment to ask yourself if your needs are being met and if they aren't give yourself permission to start with the smallest of steps in your awareness to those needs.
We must be willing to make ourselves the priority and see ourselves as worthy and deserving of our needs by creating healthy boundaries for others to see and feel. I already know you are pure magic just as you are and deserve to dance with the spirit of the sun, love with the strength of the wild water, move with the mood of the moon and create with the will of the wind with no apologies, but do you?
"There are days you may only hear the whispers of your soul calling out to remind you of your magic within. And there will be days that it roars like an untamed fire burning brightly throughout you, radiating from you for all to see. There will even be the days you sit in complete silence wondering if it was all just a dream. And there will be the days that you turn your back on any belief there was any magic at all.
This my friend is the human experience. The act of living among the chaos and noise in complete separation from self. This happens to every single one of us at times and shows the vulnerability and reality of our daily struggle to go within.
No matter if you are merely a whisper today or a slight ember of yesterday, I see you. I know your struggle, I feel your struggle as I at times struggle too.
Today I am a slow and steady burn feeling the magic, knowing it’s there, believing my fire lights the way for others and when needed can reignite the flame within you too."
And if after reading this you are still unsure of your own fire simply pause......breathe in..........breathe out and become present in this moment. Hands on your heart ask yourself "What do I need in this moment to help me remember?" Then just listen. If your mind is still too busy or your heart is still untrusting of your worth list in your head or on paper the qualities of yourself you love. IF you still struggle, list the things you have heard others say about you. And IF you are still struggling? Get on a call with me. I will hold the space for you to see even for a moment what I see and we can go from there.
Today is a day that can bring mixed emotions for many. It's a day where some people become sad they are not in a relationship questioning their self worth, while some couples are experiencing the tensions of living up to the expectation of what their loved ones even want on this day while others simply ignore the day all together.
Whether we are single or in a relationship we have the ability to share and receive love in so many beautiful ways. Love is not about the materialistic gift giving often connected to this day nor is it about only couples being in love. Love can be seen and felt everywhere if you are open to the interpretation of it.
So, today, celebrate LOVE of all kinds.
Love for ourselves,
love for others,
love for our lives,
the love of nature,
and anything else you feel called to bring into LOVE today.
Love can be found in the appreciation of those around you and the life you live. That feeling you get when you embrace a friend, a family member, a child or your beloved fur baby. It's the sun shining down upon us warming us even on the coldest of days. The moon leading us on the darkest of nights. The stars twinkling above reminding us we are part of something so much bigger than we can see. The sand between your toes on a day at the beach. It's the trees shading the flowers in the spring keeping them cool. It's the rivers flowing freely for animals to drink from and It's the rain feeding the earth.
So on this day, ask yourself:
So take a moment to explore love, lean into it, and even fall back in, I promise you're worthy and it's worth it
As we walk gently and intentionally into the New Year, I am holding space for us all to forgive ourselves for our:
and unspoken words.
Let us be more conscious in releasing the need to seek counsel and validation from others without going within to ask ourselves first.
May we spend more time collaborating and creating soulful connections that nurture our lives and less time staying with the crowds that don't.
Remember the present moment is all that matters. Not what happened yesterday nor what may be tomorrow.
That your energy attracts every single experience you have so just be mindful of your frequency.
That true happiness and balance comes from within. No outer experience can ever take the place of this.
That others people's opinion of you is none of your business and should never be the driving force of why or how you show up in your own story.
That it's completely okay to be a mess and a masterpiece at the same time. Holy crap have a bad day, it's okay.
Know that NO ONE is better than you so stop placing people on a damn pedestal. If you want to know what they know or do what they do - LEARN FROM THEM.
Love yourself no matter what. The relationship you have with you is the foundation of the relationship you have with others
“Twas a few days before Christmas and the magic so unclear.
As millions of people choose to live in their fear.
Not celebrating the love, the lights with good cheer.
The focus instead is our deaths are very near.
So many people confused by the hate.
The judgement, the anger is horrendous to date.
2 weeks, 9 months, now years in the making,
not realizing the present it’s moments it’s taking.
The sadness, the pain, the unknown in many’s thought,
not understanding the choice can be taught.
By going within and learning to heal,
there are so many of us that understand this is real.
The ability to overcome with gratitude and thought
is never a thing controlled or even bought.
It’s a process we learn from both science and spirit -
listen to Dr Joe I promise it has merit.
We can change, we can grow we can learn for the better.
When we stop giving our power to those who are getters.
So remember your magic, you are deserving of this.
Not just during Christmas but in every day Bliss.
- Kelly L McCarthy
*Reference is of Dr. Joe Dispenza - an American neuroscientist, chiropractor, international lecturer, researcher, corporate consultant, author, and educator born and brought up in California, United States. Additionally, Dispenza is a faculty member at Quantum University in Honolulu, Hawaii; the Omega Institute for Holistic Studies in Rhinebeck, New York; and Kripalu Center for Yoga and Health in Stockbridge, Massachusetts.
Kelly McCarthy is a passionate universal energy teacher, intuitive practitioner and insightful sacred speaker located in Litchfield County, CT. Though not a published author yet, once in awhile she feels called to write about something that speaks to her.